Written by Michelle Le & Edited by Mary Kim Le
Today demonstrated to us that there are many people out there who lack the potential to actually play a decent game of Pool. Michelle has kindly offered a bit of information and advice for all you fellow n00blets. For any queries, do not hesitate to fax us. Contact details are soon to be confirmed.
OBJECTIVE OF GAME IS TO KNOCK OUT THE PRODUHR AND LADUHR ASAP USING THE TECHNIQUES AND TIPS BELOW.
Technical terms
Produhr – (equipment) the technical term for the white ball. Originated from the French word, duhr meaning white.
Laduhr – (equipment) the technical term for the black ball. Originated from the French word, duhr meaning black.
Trenaé – (equipment) the actual term for the pool stick. Originated from the French word tre, meaning three.
Pureé – (technique) grasp the trenaé with the right hand 52cm from the middle, make sure index finger and trenaé make an angle of 42 degrees (tan). Proceed with little force but more than Nitrogen Chloride when bonding with Sulphuric Acid.
The Eagle-eye – (technique) Clutch onto trenaé, left hand on lower half and right hand on upper half. Using the smallest hamstring in the body, Apply pressure to trenaé. In order for this to happen, make sure thumb and middle finger don’t come in contact.
The Gab – (technique) Seize the trenaé softly in between middle finger and pinky with an angle of depression equivalent to 34.5 degrees. Using the two oldest phalanges in the body, rotate finger until a crack is heard. Dislocation of the hard tissue is necessary in order for this technique to succeed.
Tips & Tricks
1) Only use Pureé when two balls belonging to the opposing team are adjacent to the north border of the Netherlands.
2) The Eagle-eye is only used when the white ball is at an altitude of 53 from the red ball.
3) The Gab can be used out of desperation.
4) Don’t make an angle of sin45 degrees with the trenaé on the surface as it would affect the speed.
5) Trust your instincts, don’t hesitate to result to Pythagoras Theorem. Remember that sine is only when the number of balls are equal to the player times the duration of the game. Cosine is only when there are 32 times more balls than the length of the trenaé. Tangent is only used when sine and cosine aren’t possible, which is usually never.
Term and Conditions
The above information only applies to the Texas Version of Pool. Other areas may vary. Please don’t try the techniques at home or without parent supervision unless you are qualified to do so as professionals, like us, nowadays still make mistakes.
