Okay so this is going to be the most (and only) personal post I've ever written on here but it's just something I really want to share!
So, Gav and I broke up. Right before our three and half years and h o l y f u c k, it was the worst. I lost someone I saw as my potential future hubby, my best friend, my go-to gal, my soulmate, my everything ect. It wasn't planned, it just happened to happen (and at the worst time too - right before exams). It took me weeks to actually accept the break up because I was deluded by the fact that we were so perfect together. I (pathetically) tried to grab onto any hope I could find and really tried to make this relationship work. I probably would have chopped my own arm off to be with him lol. I couldn't see my life without him because he became a part of my daily schedule. My life was either work, uni or him. I didn't even make time for myself or friends (much ragretz). So the thought of losing this one person that gave me so much comfort and excitement to life was fucking scary. My vocab is limited so 'scary' is like an understatement. It was like a mixed feeling of fear/ dread/ cbfklife/ and every other negative feeling u could ever list tbh.
BUT this break up was the best worst thing that's ever happened to me. In just three weeks, I have learnt sooooosooososososososo much about myself and my life. After accepting the break up and understanding that it just HAD to happen- I soon let go of all hopes of getting back together. Reality sucks but that helped me move on. They say that when something bad happens, it means there's something good coming it's way. I thought to myself, well this better be fkn good cause heartbreak kills like a motherfkr. And a miracle happened- this random guy walked into my life and made me fall in love at first sight. Loljk I am NEVER getting into a relationship every again holy shit. But I did find the sliver lining! Gonna sound cheesy as hell but the best thing I gained from this experience was my support system (aka my girls). Without them listening to me cry/ complain/ hope and telling me how "cool" I am (lmao)- I would most likely still be in bed crying myself 24/7 rn. I actually wonder what I have done to deserve such great souls. I'm just grateful. I'm grateful that this break up happened. I'm grateful it happened during exam time so I had the chance to go all out at EOX LOLLL. But nah in all seriousness, I need to be in your prayers tonight... I wasn't able to study at all and I'm praying for a pass.
Anyway, single life is actually amazing. This whole time I was petrified of being lonely and having too much to myself but single life has so many perks! I can spoil myself now! And I know that my day can never be ruined by a fight. I don't ever have to cry myself to sleep ever again over a boy (for now...) I can finally be selfish. I have more time for my family, friends and myself! It's the fkn best. I am writing this post to tell everyone that if I can deal with a loss of the most important person in life (of three years too!!!???), then anyone else can. I thought I would hate my life. I thought there was no hope of happiness because he was my definition of my happiness. But I was crazy in love to the point I was blinded.
He was amazing and loving and all BUT I deserve better tbh. We all do. Don't settle for second best ladies!
ANYWAY IM BACK TO BLOGGING CAUSE MK 2.0 IS BACK N FEELING GR99 LOL
